Dish Battling

 

Hello fellow bachelors, this blog goes out to you!

(And to the rest of us too lazy or poor to buy a dishwasher)  

Are you currently staring down a horde of dirty dishes?

 

 

 Do you find yourself frequently eating your meals out of salad bowls, measuring cups, pots, pans, and just about whatever else you can find lying around to avoid having to face the mind-boggling amount brass, glass, and china piled high before you?

Are you desperately trying to reclaim your stovetop, countertop, fridgetop, or even floorspace?  Are you losing ground in your desperate kitchen guerrilla warfare?

If so, there is hope.  However you need to stop merely dishwashing and start dishbattling.

 

 To that end, I give you... 

The Dish Battling Fortress (Patent Pending...):

Granted, I suppose you could dry your dishes by hand.  But that's inconvenient, boring, and probably leads to erectile dysfunction.  So by now you might be wondering, "How can I construct my own Dish Battling Fortress and prevent the inevitable medical problems that arise from drying my dishes by hand?"

 I’ll tell you how.  You’re welcome.

Before you begin…

It may be necessary to free up some sink space:

Off to the side it goes!

Let’s get to it!

Number One:  Construct the Inner and Outer Wall

 The first things you wash need to be large and flat and arranged roughly like so: 

To reinforce your front wall, just add spatulas (and maybe some large spoons):

You are now ready to do battle and, to quote a famous cartoon character, shout your mighty war cry: "See you in hell, dinner-plate!"

Number B:  Start Washing Up, Buttercup!

Fill it in with plates and bowls first:

Then start cramming the cups in the middle:

 Actually just start piling stuff into your fortress at will:

Numbero Tres:  What to do When your Fortress Starts Getting Full

 It's time to reinforce and build up your structure.  A few frying pans will do the trick:

 You are now ready to start cramming in more dishes:

Got an empty bowl or pot facing up?

Perfect place for more dishes:

Time to corral and pick off the last of the survivors:

Congratulations!  You have won the battle without having to dry off a single dish by hand! 

The war however is not over.  Many casualties were inflicted on both sides.  Soon your dirty dishes will begin regrouping to plan another tactical assault on your very way of life!  How can you crush the rebellion and prevent full blown war in the future?

1.  Use paper/plastic dishes.

This option ensures you never have to do dishes again.

 

Unfortunately it will send your carbon footprint skyrocketing and isn't that on impressive on dates.  Ever try serving your girlfriend chicken cordon-bleu on a plastic plate?

2.  Anonymously donate your dirty dishes at a donation drop-off bin and buy new ones!

Before you judge me…

Do you go and dry clean and iron your clothes before dropping them off at goodwill?

I think not.  

They have to clean the dishes no matter what state you drop them off in.  

And hey, once they’re done you can buy them back all squeaky clean!  

Or try option one.  

3.  Do your dishes as you use them.  

 Right, like THAT’S ever going to happen!  

As you can see, the Dish Battling Fortress is an eco-friendly, low-cost solution for all your future dish washing needs.  

Once again, you are welcome.  

(And once again, here's a picture of me in dish-battling gear)