By the time all is said and done you will all be vomiting pure awesomeness!!!

I can be a bit of a perfectionist at times.

Compounding that little problem is that I can sometimes be attention span impaired.  That might be the reason why, in addition to the 4 posts I already have up (5 if you include this one, which I don't, because it's not up yet, but which you can include, because it will be up by the time you're reading it, whomever "you" might happen to be, then... wait what was I talking about?)...

Um...

Right, posting!  I've got about 6 other blog posts right now that are finished but not quite where I want them to be quality-wise, several that are half-complete because I either got bored with the subject or am suffering a little writer's block on those particular entries, and a few more than exist in the intangible dimension of the "idea".

Even now I'm sitting at the keyboard currently contemplating whether or not to just hit the "Save" button and walk away, or maybe read some webcomics and then come back to this post.

I chose webcomics.  But only for five minutes.  I'm back now and still blogging away!

Only for another 4 minutes however, because my lunch break is almost up and I need to get back to work.

Not to worry though.  I got big plans for this site.  Huge plans.  Gargantuan plans!  Gonna have me a new banner up, upgrade the site design, and of course, more posts involving pictures and maybe even some video.  So nauseatingly cool you'll be vomiting pure awesomeness by the time I'm finished with things (hence the title)!

In other news, I am happy to say that the number of followers here on sffs has doubled in the past week.  On a related note, today's blog post is brought to you by the letter B* and by my 5th and latest follower.  Thank you very much for forcing me to post this hastily prepared entry today just to keep my ratio of blog posts to followers on a 1:1 basis!  I hope you are pleased with yourself sir.

Until next time, larga vida y prosperidad!

*The B stands for "Blogging".  I'm so witty!

Dish Battling

 

Hello fellow bachelors, this blog goes out to you!

(And to the rest of us too lazy or poor to buy a dishwasher)  

Are you currently staring down a horde of dirty dishes?

 

 

 Do you find yourself frequently eating your meals out of salad bowls, measuring cups, pots, pans, and just about whatever else you can find lying around to avoid having to face the mind-boggling amount brass, glass, and china piled high before you?

Are you desperately trying to reclaim your stovetop, countertop, fridgetop, or even floorspace?  Are you losing ground in your desperate kitchen guerrilla warfare?

If so, there is hope.  However you need to stop merely dishwashing and start dishbattling.

 

 To that end, I give you... 

The Dish Battling Fortress (Patent Pending...):

Granted, I suppose you could dry your dishes by hand.  But that's inconvenient, boring, and probably leads to erectile dysfunction.  So by now you might be wondering, "How can I construct my own Dish Battling Fortress and prevent the inevitable medical problems that arise from drying my dishes by hand?"

 I’ll tell you how.  You’re welcome.

Before you begin…

It may be necessary to free up some sink space:

Off to the side it goes!

Let’s get to it!

Number One:  Construct the Inner and Outer Wall

 The first things you wash need to be large and flat and arranged roughly like so: 

To reinforce your front wall, just add spatulas (and maybe some large spoons):

You are now ready to do battle and, to quote a famous cartoon character, shout your mighty war cry: "See you in hell, dinner-plate!"

Number B:  Start Washing Up, Buttercup!

Fill it in with plates and bowls first:

Then start cramming the cups in the middle:

 Actually just start piling stuff into your fortress at will:

Numbero Tres:  What to do When your Fortress Starts Getting Full

 It's time to reinforce and build up your structure.  A few frying pans will do the trick:

 You are now ready to start cramming in more dishes:

Got an empty bowl or pot facing up?

Perfect place for more dishes:

Time to corral and pick off the last of the survivors:

Congratulations!  You have won the battle without having to dry off a single dish by hand! 

The war however is not over.  Many casualties were inflicted on both sides.  Soon your dirty dishes will begin regrouping to plan another tactical assault on your very way of life!  How can you crush the rebellion and prevent full blown war in the future?

1.  Use paper/plastic dishes.

This option ensures you never have to do dishes again.

 

Unfortunately it will send your carbon footprint skyrocketing and isn't that on impressive on dates.  Ever try serving your girlfriend chicken cordon-bleu on a plastic plate?

2.  Anonymously donate your dirty dishes at a donation drop-off bin and buy new ones!

Before you judge me…

Do you go and dry clean and iron your clothes before dropping them off at goodwill?

I think not.  

They have to clean the dishes no matter what state you drop them off in.  

And hey, once they’re done you can buy them back all squeaky clean!  

Or try option one.  

3.  Do your dishes as you use them.  

 Right, like THAT’S ever going to happen!  

As you can see, the Dish Battling Fortress is an eco-friendly, low-cost solution for all your future dish washing needs.  

Once again, you are welcome.  

(And once again, here's a picture of me in dish-battling gear)

A Little Filler (Sorry)

Hello followers!

At the end of my last post I thought I was joking when I mentioned that I wanted to hear "from all two of you" in reference to those following me.

Turns out I was right.

Though small, I will choose to count this as a victory.  At this pace, it means I can hope to expect one new follower per blog post.

So to the two that finally decided to come out in the open and publicly follow me, thanks :D

As for the third, I know you're out there, and it's now your turn to start pulling your weight!

It's been a couple of weeks since my last entry, but I have been working on crafting a brand new post that should be ready in the next couple of days.

It may possibly even be ready later on today.  Get excited!

For now, I figured I would tide you over with another anecdote from the customer service trenches.

A few months ago I had a lady call in, furious because she thought we were closing out her bank accounts.

I searched frantically on all systems, trying desperately to discover what was wrong and to help this poor woman out.

Finally, after about 8 minutes of digging around and emerging with nothing, I asked the question I should have asked when the call first began.

"Ma'am, on the letter you received from us, what led you to believe that we were closing your bank accounts?"

"Right here at the bottom, where you tell me that I have a 'closing balance'!"

At that point I could only pause, and think what the rest of you are probably also thinking at this point.

Wow.